A Guide To Telling Parents You’re Pregnant

Some words are just hard. They’re hard to type, hard to write, and really hard to say. Words like “I’m pregnant”.

Telling parents you’re pregnant can be a big source of anxiety. Who knows how they’ll react? People respond to unplanned pregnancy in a hundred different ways, and you can’t always predict what someone will do.

Actually, that can be a good thing. There are thousands of good news stories, where despite the pregnant person’s fears the conversation led to unexpected acceptance, with the parents proving a pillar of support.

Yet even the most supportive parents struggle when they first get the news, and some parents will struggle for a long time. This guide prepares you for this discussion, so you can feel equipped and supported when telling parents you’re pregnant.

Do You Need To Tell Them About Your Pregnancy?

Secrets are weighty. Sharing them is a sign of faith and trust.

This is your pregnancy, so it’s up to you whether you tell your loved ones. Telling parents you’re pregnant shows you’re choosing to be honest with them, and that you trust them with your vulnerability.

Their support and life experience can also be immensely helpful when it comes to your pregnancy checklist, from figuring out finance to support at scans. If your parent gave birth to you, there’s the opportunity to ask them tons of pregnancy-related questions as soon as you think of them.

You don’t have to tell your parents, especially if you think they’ll have an extremely negative reaction.

When To Tell Your Parents You’re Pregnant

Unplanned pregnancy comes with a jumble of emotions. Give yourself some time, space, and self-care instead of jumping straight into a conversation you might not feel ready for.

You might choose to process your thoughts and emotions by writing them down or by talking with a safe person. A safe person is someone that you can share your personal life with, without feeling judged or criticised. These people are often the foundation of a great support network, always there to listen and encourage.

Life has a network of listeners who can offer that emotional help. They can listen and gently prompt you as you process your feelings around telling your parents you’re pregnant. If you like, they can explore with you as you prepare for the conversation.

Preparing To Give Your News

It’s so tempting. Just send a text and then switch off the phone.

However, there’s so much you can miss by not talking in person. Body language, tone of voice, and facial expression are all invaluable. It might feel more vulnerable to talk in person, but you and your parents have a much better chance of understanding how the other feels when you’re sat in the same room.

Here are some tips for telling parents you’re pregnant:

  • Choose a place where you all feel comfortable, where you can express yourselves freely.

This might be in public, in a park, or in your favourite café. In a public place, people often tone down intense emotional reactions, which can lead to a calmer, steadier conversation. However, the freedom of expression that comes with privacy really appeals to some families.

  • Anticipate questions.

Unplanned pregnancies add a whole lot of uncertainty, about the life you’ve been living and what’s going to happen in the future.

Parents might ask questions about you being sexually active, about the baby’s father and, if you’re still in school or uni, what you plan to do about education. Brainstorm answers to these questions so they don’t throw you off balance. If it helps, practice in front of the mirror or with a close friend.

  • Have a think about what you would like to do next.

You don’t need a solid plan, but you could explore some of the different options, either by yourself or with the father.

Telling Parents You’re Pregnant – The Conversation

Women often say they feel out of control in pregnancy. You set the time and place, you make the first move, and you can choose to step out at any time. This is your conversation, and you can set a tone of kindness and respect.

Breaking the news

It’s easy to anticipate a bad reaction when telling parents you’re pregnant, but remember, you can’t know how your parents will react yet. Give them the news, and give them room to process.

Give them the news, and give them room to process.

You don’t have to say ‘I’m sorry’, or ‘I know you’ll hate to hear this.’ Instead, you might say, “I have some news. This might be difficult to process, but I want you to know that I’m pregnant.”

You might give lots of information, or it could be as short and sweet as, “I love you, which is why I want you to know I’m pregnant”.

This is your pregnancy, your relationship and your parents, and the words you choose will reflect this.

The emotional response

Pregnancy is quite the curveball. Remember all the feelings you had when you first found out? Fear, delight, panic, joy? It’s likely your parents will be feeling all these emotions, and one of the best things you can do is sit with them as it all sinks in.

People respond to emotional shock in numerous ways, from denial to disassociation. Denial or panic is often a knee-jerk reaction to genuinely life-changing news, not a rejection of the person giving it. In fact, some people experience emotional shock in response to something good, like a job offer or a marriage proposal.

This is the time to let your parents sit with their emotions and if they need to, let them speak. There could be comfort, hugs, tears, or accusations. Accusations can be very difficult, especially if you’re already nervous and vulnerable, but getting into an argument makes it more difficult for your parents to process their feelings. Letting them get their knee-jerk reaction over with can help give them the space they need.

If it’s getting overwhelming or you sense you need more time alone, step out and come back later. Take some time out, maybe call a trusted friend. Invite your parents to talk to you whenever they feel ready.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your parents – now is a time to be gentle with each other, as much as possible.

What do you need?

Telling parents you’re pregnant is often difficult, and it means you spend a lot of time dwelling on their thoughts and emotions, but there comes a point when you can draw the conversation back to yourself.

Talk about how you’re feeling about the pregnancy, and what you need from your parents. Tell them if you need their encouragement, for them to support you as you tell other loved ones, for them to give you a safe place when things get difficult. You might already have a support system in place, but you can offer your parents the chance to be at its centre.

Parents can give excellent advice, but this is your pregnancy and your decision. It’s good to come to your parents having explored your options and knowing what you want to do next. Once you’ve found your path, your parents can help you walk it, feeling confident and encouraged.

Free Emotional Help

Telling parents you’re pregnant is a brave act, requiring you to have faith in your loved ones. That’s not always easy to do, but a listening ear can be immensely helpful.

Our services are there for you to explore any feelings relating to pregnancy, before, during and after, including anxieties over telling people. Our listeners are also there to explore your options. We don’t judge, or direct, and we’re confidential. What we do is give you a space to think and to process, away from outside pressures.

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