Chloe’s Story: Pregnancy Matters™

Not my most rational moment, but the thought was briefly soothing. I’d say it every time my anxiety spiked. It’s not that I didn’t want to be pregnant again, my partner and I had talked about it and we both wanted our family to grow, but my last pregnancy and birth were horrendous and dread consumed me. I was feeling overwhelmed, sleep deprived and struggling to keep on top of everything.

So I delayed taking the test.

As long as I didn’t know for sure, I didn’t have to address it just yet. But even when I wasn’t addressing it, I was thinking about it. When the chaos calmed, everyone else was asleep – it was just me, my thoughts and my anxiety.

Last time I took loads of pregnancy tests until I got a positive, this time I said I’ll just take one, but it doesn’t have to be now. Then, while pushing my girl in the buggy out shopping, a flash of nausea. I brushed it off. Then a day later, another wave of nausea. By this time I knew. I may as well take the test – in some ways, the nausea brought me back to reality – who was I trying to fool?

So on the Friday night I rang my partner to pick up a test on the way home from work. I’d take it in the morning – then we’d go out somewhere. I didn’t want a big conversation whatever the result was.

Positive.

Well at least now I wasn’t in denial.

I tried to be happy, I wasn’t angry, upset or devastated – I just needed time. And time helped.

My circumstances didn’t actually ease – things didn’t get “better” in a rosy sense – in many ways, things became more challenging as the sickness and vomiting escalated. I had to get in more help – I had to ask even more of my partner who was already overstretched at work. But with time, the fear eased. Acceptance felt better than denial. In time, whatever was a bit broken started to heal. I was able to start thinking of names, that was a turning point, something positive in the future.

Weeks later all those original emotions seem so distant. They were legitimate, it’s what I felt at the time, but they didn’t last. Things are looking up and I can honestly say I am truly excited to meet my new little one.